To be honest, I have been "working" on my weight, ohhhhhh forever? I clearly remember several different diets in middle school, all set off by the fact that in fifth grade(maybe fourth?), the school decided it was a good idea to have EVERYONE in my grade go into the nurse's office and be weighed and measured. Now I truly doubt that this woman was trying to traumatize anyone, and I question her 'medical' background, but when it was my turn I was measured at 5'8" and 180lbs. This is HUGE for a child who was 9 or 10, HUGE. I was horrified that I weighed that much, though I knew and was very aware that I wore a size 18 in children's (so probably smaller in misses which would have been helpful to self esteem).
Now where I question this woman is this: I was still wearing my boots.
Now my family is known for a few key features: large noses, large ears, and large feet, besides being of tall German Viking stock meaning that I ended up being 5'8" and one of the tallest girls in my class. I also was wearing women's size 9 by the end of elementary. So here I was being weighed and measure with boots that were probably 5-7lbs. Of course the woman also didn't try to console me by explaining that my clothes were also heavy (a long corduroy jumper dress that my mom had made for me and a sweater on top of that) so I was probably around 10 lbs less than what I was told, but that final pronouncement crushed me. That was also the point where I kinda said fuck it, I'm going to eat what I want.
That brings us to middle school and high school, where even though I was in Tennis(the starting of which still amazes my mother because I was the child who only liked swimming as a work out "because you didn't sweat"...I know, you do, but I was all of 11), I went up to a misses size 18, pushing size 20 or 22. Mom and I went on several diets that seemed to work and I would go down a size or two, but while they worked for her, they seemed to only momentarily work for me. I graduated at size 22, though I my self esteem was not in the tank yet, I was not happy that I was the largest of my circle.
In college, of course, I was paired with a tall waif of a girl who was wildly popular in HS, and my self esteem tanked. My grades were awesome, and I made great friends who helped me, even a guy who seemed kinda of interested (to jump ahead, he came out to me that summer...I'm a girl with NO Gay-dar at all), so I wasn't going to cut my wrists, though crying was a regular past time. Though through the saving grace of the Department of Residence Life, I became a Conference Assistant shortly after leaving my first year at college. I had signed up for summer school, but came back early to work. I was a Resident Assistant during the next year where I met my friend Melissa who had done REALLY well on Weight Watchers and was still sticking with it. That spring I considered it and that summer I joined Weight Watchers for the first time. My tenure with them resulted in my first major weight-loss since middle school, and I stuck with for a long time. I even lost weight while studying abroad in Germany the next summer, and stuck with it into the following Fall Semester. Somewhere I got swept up in life and trailed away from the program, and gained a bit of the weight back, though I had gone down to a size 16 and then back up to 18 but staid there.
Another episode of accomplishment was during my tenure as a Disney CP, where I was getting really close to a size 14 pant, because of my schedule and the food I was eating. I worked afternoon/evening, walking miles at a time pushing a minimum of 20lbs on these walks(I worked luggage at the largest resort hotel outside of Las Vegas), but during the day before I went to work, I would wake up, go to the gym, shower and go to work. On top of this super active life style, my meals were usually lean cuisine during my break and before I went to work, and rice or pasta with veggies and chicken when I had a chance to eat at home in the evening.
Upon returning to the normal world, I got off work out/dieting bandwagon. I also tried getting back on some kind of regime during that final year of college and the first year of living with my boyfriend. This being the case, I start gaining again. This past summer, I joined Curves and I was weighed in at 292. The next month I was up to 294(the largest I have ever been), and I have gone down steadily, if not a little slowly, ever since.
I weighed in today at 274, meaning in a stressful time I had not GAINED, but I had not lost. So today I rejoined Weight Watcher Online to help me get to my goal of 120lbs smaller.
So here I stand embarking on this with the every clear goal of not looking like a marshmallow on my wedding day in 2012, and also having a body to be proud of and not look ridiculous when pregnant. It seems vain, but in truth, if I don't do it for vain personal reasons, I won't do it at all.
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